


How do I keep you without letting you go?

by fingerslacedinstars



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drunken Confessions, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:40:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23961715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fingerslacedinstars/pseuds/fingerslacedinstars
Summary: Jasper had a decision to make. He could either get out of his bed right now and walk over to Octavia’s house and tell her every single emotion he was feeling, or he could continue to lay in his bed and drink his third bottle of beer and wonder why Octavia chose Lincoln over him.
Relationships: Octavia Blake/Jasper Jordan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	How do I keep you without letting you go?

No one teaches you about heartbreak. It's something you discover on your own. Your parents start to fight, your pet dies, your feelings for someone you love aren't reciprocated. No one tells you how to deal with these feelings of sorrow. 

You search for answers in films, books, music, drugs, and alcohol. You either come up empty handed or find yourself in more pain than before. There isn’t an easy out to heartbreak. If you don’t deal with it head on, it will continue to stick to your heart like a thorn. 

Jasper had a decision to make. He could either get out of his bed right now and walk over to Octavia’s house and tell her every single emotion he was feeling, or he could continue to lay in his bed and drink his third bottle of beer and wonder why Octavia chose Lincoln over him. 

His drunken haze led him to the first option. Not caring that it was nearly two in the morning, he sent Octavia a text to meet him outside. He quickly slipped on a mismatched set of clothes from his floor and hurried out of the house. 

In a time like this, being next door neighbors with Octavia was convenient. He didn’t have to worry about getting lost in a random neighborhood. All he had to do was wait at the bottom of the stairs in her front yard. 

The front porch light turned on and Octavia walked out the door. Seeing her face hit Jasper like a ton of bricks. He was really outside her house in the middle of the night about to spill his guts to her. All the thoughts that had been haunting him were finally going to come out. The hurt, the fear, and the confusion would no longer be trapped inside him after tonight. 

Even if this meant he would lose Octavia forever, at least she would finally know. He wasn’t going to let the thorns stick into his heart anymore. It was time to let it all go. 

“Jasper what’s going on? Is everything alright?” Octavia asked, walking down a stair.

Jasper swallowed hard, everything in his body started to go numb. 

“Everything’s fine I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“If this is about this weekend I’m really sorry. I know we were supposed to hang out but Lincoln surprised me with this getaway and-”

“No,” He cut her off. “It’s not that, it’s just, um.”

As much as he wants to do this he can’t. His brain is telling him yes but every part in his body including his aching heart is telling him no. He will lose her if he does this. It will never be the same if she knows the truth. It’s not worth the risk.

“Are you sure you’re ok Jasper? Do you want to come inside?” The way she’s looking at him makes him want to cry. 

He runs his hands through his long locks and takes a deep breath.

“I’m really happy for you Octavia.”  
_I miss you so much._

“I can’t wait to hear about this secret getaway Lincoln took you on.”  
_I’ve been thinking about the roadtrip we said we’d take after we graduate. Do you think we’ll ever go?_

“I know Lincoln and I don’t know each other too well but I want to be invited next time. We’re a package deal he needs to remember that.”  
_Do you remember the universe we created? Can we go back just for one night?_

“He needs to remember a lot of things actually.”  
_Did we ever have a chance?_

“So maybe you can give him a message for me?”  
_Was I not worth it? Did I not do enough?_

“Tell him I said that he has no idea how lucky he is to be with you. Tell him that as your best friend I have just as much of a right as Bellamy to kick his ass if he hurts you. And tell him that I said thank you for making my best friend the happiest she’s ever been.”

“Wow, Jasper. Thanks for saying all that. It means a lot coming from you.” She gives him a warm smile.

Her response startled him at first. He felt like he had been standing there for an hour, blurting out words and immediately forgetting them as they left his mouth. They weren’t all lies though. He was happy for her and she did seem to be the happiest she’s ever been in a long time. 

He couldn’t let himself sabotage this for his own personal gain. He couldn’t say things that would possibly hurt their friendship just so he could stop himself from hurting a little less. 

If he had to live with the pain a little longer, so be it. 

“You’re welcome. I always want the best for you Octavia.” He smiled in return.

“Goodnight Jasper.”

“Goodnight Octavia.”  
_I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic ever. let me know if i did horrible or not. thanks for reading.  
> follow me on tumblr and rant to me about how jactavia should have been endgame.  
> tommensbaratheons.tumblr.com


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